A bit later on...

Kids are in bed and I am trashed all to Hell and back (ok, so maybe just to Hell) with a goodly dose of Telegraph Road live, occurring at an acceptable volume whilst I ponder how I have filled the gaping hole in my life for the past two days and what I will do to get myself through the next week.

I'm not just running out of ideas; I'm running out of able-ness to accomplish the ideas as well. Rapidly.

In fact, MS is starting to seriously suck this past couple of weeks.

Again.

Now all I need is a few months of chemo to really put me back at the bottom of that hole.

Again.

There is a neuro appointment coming - I'm scared he will take the aggressive path, the one I so heavily agreed with him on last year. Of course, last October so many things were different. For starters, I thought I had a long term reason to stay upright. The desire just isn't there at the moment.

I used to be scared he wouldn't....