Monday, July 28, 2008

Joint at the hip

It's been a bit of a rough autumn and winter, emotionally, physically, mentally. I had those Clonazepam pills to control the muscle spasms which I stopped taking some weeks back when they ended up making a zombie out of me (both the pills and the spasms). Not a state I enjoyed being in and certainly hard to function even minimally whilst under their influence. But six odd weeks after ditching it, I've taken a very sudden and serious physical decline to the point where, in only a few days my good leg has become my bad leg and my bad leg, whilst constantly pumping out enough warmth to heat a small village, does not give me even a tenth of the pain and misery the other one now does. If you told me to get knotted, I'd say I had already started, as my entire right calf muscle has been in spasm for the past 15 hours without let up on a leg whose hurts start at the hip and peter out at the ankle.

It tends to cramp ones style - literally. The codeine hasn't helped.

So, after 4 days of ceaseless pain and rapidly declining mobility, I bit the bullet tonight and restarted the Clonazepam, as per doctor's suggestion to stay off it a month minimum then reintroduce it for short bursts that won't (hopefully) be so debilitating.

I'm still waiting for a neuro appointment; I wish he'd hurry up. I'd happily undergo his bloody IV steroids if it meant my legs would return to (ab)normal and stay that way. I feel like I'm staring down the barrel of a telescope called Destiny and the mirror finish is distorting the reflection coming back. I don't like what I see...

Oh yeah, I was going to tell you why what ails you, ails you.

Check out this site - Health Problems and Emotional Causes. It has the reason for everything, from Abscess (hurts, slights, revenge) to Zoo-Phobia (fear of accepting life’s gifts and joys).

In the meantime, I will be working on my Multiple Sclerosis which is apparently caused by mental hardness, hard-heartedness, iron will, inflexibility, traits PWMS potentially build within them to help them cope with a shitty existence the disease brings with it and the people around them who just don't give a fuck, and therefore don't measure up in the Humanity stakes.

Have fun exploring what makes *you* tick; I hope it amuses you as much as it did me. I do like a good joke ;-)

Update: It's 3.17 am and I'm up for the third time. Wheat sacks aren't working, COG painkillers aren't working, can't take another dose of codeine because I gotta function and drive in a few hours. God knows I've become adept at ignoring pain, but this lot is taking a bit more effort.

Oh, and there is big rain forecast for much of this week. Getting repeatedly wet is guaranteed to help with aches and pains. And increase the likelihood of a slippery fall, like I took in the paddock the other day. Tommy and Nushie were the only witnesses and I know they wont tell.

The outlook seems quite bleak from here. Eh.

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Gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc - We gladly feast on those who would subdue us ...