Saturday, November 24, 2007


Picture this... yesterday I was out in the back yard, pitchfork in one hand, hose at the ready in the other, carefully tending to the small fire that was consuming all the mountain of dry long grass and weeds that I have managed to purge from the ground in an attempt to find my way to the back fence, when over the side fence comes a question.

The questioner was my next door neighbour, one of the good Catholic lot, all into church and doing good works, Love Thy Neighbour, Do Unto Others and all that crap, the ones that are out all day nearly every day and have two pathetic, yapping, little dogs that don't shut up all the time they are gone.

"Will that be going much longer because I can't open my windows" (diddums)
"No, it's almost finished".
"You aren't allowed to burn things like that (bullshit lovey) and I could have called the Fire Service you know, but don't worry, I haven't". (I ain't worried, ducky)
"That would be opening up a whole can of unnecessary unpleasantness, why would you do that? If you have a real problem, call the old man, or get stuffed or something".

What I REALLY wanted to say was "Yeah baby, call the firies, I love a sexy hot fireman with his big hose and all his gears and it will give me something to drool over look at while I wait for the dog ranger to get here to sort out you and YOUR FUCKING BARKING DOGS!

But I didn't *sigh*

Instead I went hunting around for more stuff to burn while it was blazing merrily. Unfortunately nearly everything I found was green and it made the fire take a several hours extra to go out.

Bummer, eh. I think the stupid bitch would rather wait until a yard full of 3 or 4 foot high grass dried out in the summer sun, caught alight and took out their 6 foot high fence as well.

PS - I'm sure that they are going to love all the rotting feijoas off their overhanging tree magically ending up back on their side of the fence on their lawn next season, and of course there's the planned replacement of the old incinerator with a new council-approved one, to be rehomed to the far back corner of the more utility-focused area of our back yard, right beside their fence and just below their front deck...

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Gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc - We gladly feast on those who would subdue us ...